Weather Bureau’s, Australia and of course Global Warming

Newsflash!!! It is summer in Australia. No seriously it is. Not that you would have known it recently had you been here. Summer started in the land down under on the first day of December last year. For those unaware it is now this year (2012), and not last year (2011) any more, so I suggest you put that $3 wine cask down for a minute, poke your mug out from under that cardboard box and look around!!! Maybe even move a little and speak to someone. But hey don’t get too carried away there now!

So what when am I in now?

The news via all forums has been absolutely buzzing with word that our cooler weather is gone for the time being and the annual dose of heat is here. Southern and Western Australia have endured a nightmare week or 2 of heat wave conditions and now face the resulting bush fire threat associated with such temperatures. Nasty stuff if you live there and we all hope everyone gets through it unscathed.

For those of us in the north-eastern areas, it has been wet ish and reasonably pleasant until now. This time last year it must be remembered half the city was flowing down the Brisbane river at warp speed into Moreton Bay! Many lost their lives and many more lost everything they own. Again nasty stuff indeed. Luckily these conditions have not repeated themselves again.

Back to the focus of this aimless story… The whole weird weather pattern thing worldwide has got me thinking about this Global Warming stuff again. Seems nobody can agree on what is going on or going to happen. Weather people say X and scientists say Y.  Fuck me people, can someone please work it out and let us all know sometime soon please? Now I don’t profess to be an expert on weather, history, science or anything else that is allegedly used to measure and forecast this stuff. I do however have eyes and ears, so it seems I am able to forecast my local weather far better than the bureau most of the time…. I can lay claim to this ability as I have regularly known my area was being absolutely pummelled by huge storms looong before the bureau has even issued storm warnings over the past several years….. When it is raining on you INSIDE your house you just have an inkling that something unusual is going on outside don’t you? Cop that weather bureau!

Forecast: Mostly sunny with the chance of apocalypse...

We keep hearing that sea levels are rising rapidly, Arctic/Antarctic ice is melting at some ridiculous rate of metres per year, the hole in the ozone is expanding at a rate that will see the earth disappear up its own arse in the very near future etc etc. I can’t for that traffic warning of an iceberg which has drifted onto the freeway…… How does the average Joe on the street take all this in I ask? It is pretty heavy stuff that has the potential to make kids run screaming to mummy and daddy asking if the world will end soon! Of course the answer is “YES my child, but lets not get hung up on that right now and go clean your room up so it’s nice and tidy for the apocalypse!”

Honestly there have been record freezes in Europe and the North America’s (yes that includes you too Canada, sorry bout that!). One of the coolest starts to the Southern hemisphere summer in aeons, and many other strange weather patterns that don’t really scream out “your all going to burn and or drown!!”. Not saying that won’t happen of course as I’m no expert remember, but it’s not looking likely right now is it? If anything the indicators are that we will have bloody snow in tropical Australia during summer in the next few years! I can just see the picture of the snap frozen weather bureau person in Brisbane who went outside to see what the weather was like. Cooolllll….. (pardon pun)

Gee I wonder what the weather will be today...

No matter how you cut it and dice it, the weather has been really weird in recent times. Now there are earthquakes, volcanoes and all sorts of extremes everywhere all the time it seems. Maybe the original thoughts on the Mayan end of world prediction in 2012 were right after all? Maybe come December it will be THE END?

mLr

I can fly!!! Uh oh Bugger, no I caaaannnnn’t!!!

The holiday period brings with it a lot of interesting moments for us all, especially when you are a big kid yourself and the real kids get some new and awesome toy you take a liking too. That is unless you’re a boring old biddy/bastard with a bad attitude and poor personal hygiene, but I digress….

Kids generally get a lot of crap from the jolly big man in red each year, with the majority worthy of nothing more than a fleeting memory of money once resident in your pocket, now resident in the garbage bin after little Johnny/Johnnyette got a little too vigorous at play and snapped/crushed/shattered then discarded most of it.

There are however some items that rank up there with the best in terms of FUN FUN FUN. Not just for the real kids, but for the BIG kids too! Now you might be thinking I am about to lurch down the road of Toy Story-ish activities such as dad playing dolls with little Johnnyette or Lego with little Johnny. Nope not even close. But maybe some of us should consider those activities instead….

This dad has discovered an unbelievably fun activity. One that provides exercise with a sense of freedom and speed. One that provides an opportunity to do something with the kids instead of just watching them from a distance. I speak of none other than the humble and re-invented scooter!! Yes those fine folks at Madd Gear have created an item that is nothing short of brilliant – the MGP Pro Scooter! Yes this little pearler is truly the most addictive thing to be unleashed on parents since…well since…can’t think of much else but if I do I will get back to you straight away!

This bugger of a thing is truly amazing. However it does have a downside. A big and potentially dangerous one at that. But before I draw the ire of the maker’s lawyers, I need to stress that it isn’t a flaw in the design, or the scooters fault in any way whatsoever. No, it’s the ability of the parent to actually ride the thing safely. Or not as it turns out!

Ok, ok I will get to the point. I sit here writing this nursing a sprained wrist/thumb and a bruised ego. Oh and a burning desire to go and get me one of these things for myself!!! You see Boxing Day 2011 changed me forever. Ok well not forever as that’s a friggin long time, but at least until the swelling goes down anyway. My home city has many waterfront parks and walkways, all with fantastic concrete paths designed for cycling, walking and other such activities. Thankfully in places it also has grass run off’s for errant out of control parents trying to be 10 years old again too!! Taking on the kids in races up and down the walkways seemed like such a fun idea at the time. Seemed like a harmless activity we could all participate in. I am now rethinking that idea a little and plotting a bigger and better approach, one which does not involve this dad sending my kids and other onlookers into frenzied, hysterical laughter at the sight of a middle-aged kid doing cartwheels over the handlebars of a bright orange kids scooter! That’ll teach me not to try cutting my daughter off at warp speed won’t it…..

No it won’t actually, because this big kid will do it again, and again and then again no doubt! But wiser next time. Yes MUCH wiser. I now have a plan. An evil plan. Time to see if I can get a big kids version and line up on the starting grid again, ready to take out the kids and any other dumb arse parent as Madd as me! Let’s see those little pre teen, cherub faced wannabe’s race against something bigger, faster and quite possibly more insane. Maybe even a motorised version! Yes, a motor is a brilliant idea so when I run out of puff I won’t stop! Shouldn’t be too hard to modify one you’d think… Mwahahahahaha this is sounding better by the second now!

Damn this could get ugly in a hurry!

Ok, well I am off to go book that hospital bed now so there won’t be any waiting when it all turns to shit!! Wish me luck.

mLr