Old friends, New Friends, Lost Friends

It is an interesting debate that rages in many homes, workplaces and web pages the world over. I am referring of course to social media. Yes I know there have been a gazillion words written for and against this subject, but get over it already, I am writing more! You see I am not going to talk about the dumb ass effects it has on some people, nor the stupid shit kids say on their ”pages” to incite their trigger happy yokel parents into shooting the offending laptop until it is left bleeding and dead in a paddock!  What a cruel way to treat a piece of beautiful technology!

So what I am going to write about is the potential benefits, and sometimes the pitfalls, of making that dreaded decision to sign your life away on one of these sites. In particular how it affected me. We are all aware of the double-edged sword that getting online entails, yet it seems as the world revolves through each year it is the only way everyone communicates now. That said, I personally still prefer to either pick up the phone or go see someone face to face, lest I start to feel like there isn’t really anyone out there any more and I am now living in a world similar to that of Lt. Col. Robert Neville in I AM LEGEND!! God forbid I walk outside to get devoured by weird freaky night mutants…

Lt Col Robert Neville (courtesy Warner Bros Pictures)

I must admit that I was a late starter on the social networking scene. Yes my demeanour was that of a snotty old fart who thought it was all a monumental waste of time and just another fad. That is until I had to start using in-house social media systems with my employer and I realised I was so very wrong! We have chat programs, virtual meeting places, several variants of face book style programs and so on. After a few years of struggling and fighting to minimise my use of email and these other tools (old fart syndrome again!) it became the only way to communicate in order to work effectively. I had to use the tools of the business whether I liked it or not, and it didn’t take long for it to become normal and practical behaviour. My conversion had begun…..

This leads into the core of this little tale. A number of my family and old school friends had been using Facebook for a while, and of course the pressure flowed onto me to get online and reconnect with people I had not thought about in many many years… . I initially didn’t want to reconnect with anyone. Had no desire whatsoever. I had moved on from High School, shifted to another state and chosen to utterly obliterate any memories of my school age years. This was a choice I made consciously when I was young and I thought no more about it over the years that followed. That is until the time came where I was getting questions from family who were being questioned by old friends relentlessly. I couldn’t figure it out. Who the hell would care where I was now or what I had been doing for the past 25 years? I didn’t care so why would they?

Of course over a period of sustained “peer” pressure it is inevitable that one starts to see the cracks in ones resolve and one catches oneself occasionally wandering off mentally into the world of “I wonder happened to so and so?”. And so you can see that as I used this stuff at work and the mind was wandering, eventually any resistance I had slowly receded and I made the decision not to be an old fart any more. Sure the considerations were weighed up, like “what if so and so who I couldn’t stand contacts me?” The biggie for me was that I knew once I opened that Pandora’s box, there was no going back. The past would flood back like a tsunami and there was no shutting the door again. My sister convinced me that I was being a nutter and that I could just delete my FB profile and move on. Yeah right…

So off I went on my little journey. Initially tentative, but as time went on I started to wonder why I took so long to get on this bandwagon! It wasn’t long before I was reconnected with some wonderful people I had forgotten about, which as it turns out has enriched my life to no end. There are many new people I have connected with through my old friends who I never would have known existed were it not for social media. And then are the inevitable findings of lost friends. Early on I learnt the hard way that this is part of life. I had one friend in particular I wanted to find, and I searched to no avail. Then a mutual friend of mine and his popped up and the news was awful. My old mate had passed away some 10 years prior to me looking for him. It was a wake call up that as we get older people come and people go, and there is nothing we can do to stop it.  That is indeed life and we can just keep moving forward or get run over!

Get going or get run over!

And so now the view is that there are many upsides and many great people out there, both old and new, that can add value to my life. Of course there are some absolutely psycho bastards to be avoided too! After dabbling in writing for mags earlier in my life another good friend introduced me to blogging late last year. Another addition to my life and more great people. Thanks to Lyndon at TDoT my social media world expanded yet again which is awesome. Mostly!

So here’s to Old friends, New friends, and of course lets never forget Lost friends….

mLr

Manners, iGen, Political Correctness and Ice Hockey!

Wow, been a while since my last post. Did not realise I was AWOL for that long. In some ways it would be good to still be AWOL! Looking around at the worlds issues in 2012 one has to ask the basics, like WTF? It seems everyone has become intolerant of everyone else! This concerns me greatly of course, so here is a feeble attempt to record a new low in my blogging career!!

You may be asking what has prompted this haphazard rant. Good question. If you did not ask this, then tough luck, you will find out anyway if you keep reading. As it happens, a boringly disinterested flick through the news.com.au website threw up some articles that really got my attention, so of course I just had to comment….

Manners relegated to history perhaps?

Manners. Well golly gee wiz I can’t imagine why this would be an issue anywhere in the world these days? Most wouldn’t know what manners were if they got bitten on the arse by them! Seems people with no manners are now complaining about everyone else with no manners. Interesting development. How the fuck do you get the idea to complain about something you don’t have yourself? Its like saying “hey you, why didn’t you say sorry to me when I walked into you?” Or “listen up you bastard, keep your fucking voice down when you’re talking on the phone so I can raise mine while talking on the phone, have some consideration for me will you!”. Mmmmmm….

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i Gen. I know I know, this generational shit gets covered to death everywhere all the time. I am sorry. Nah just kidding, actually no I’m not! The thing that got me onto this subject was another article I read which was attached to the other article I read… Yes that was just as hard to type as it was for you to read I can assure you! Since when did a Generation get to change the letter before their category eh? I mean for HeyZuse sake, nobody BEFORE this under 20′s lot could do it could they? Apparently they prefer iGen instead of Gen Z. Seriously. In a survey this lot of children freely admit they have no manners, no consideration for others (hence the “i” in iGen) and generally couldn’t give a fuck unless it benefits them. Wow how original. Sounds more like a recycled Baby Boomer to me but with the addition of the obligatory “i” in front of it like everything else in society these days…… Maybe they should be called “yiGen Boomers Babies” then. Combine them with the Generation of ignorants currently labelled yGen and you get a generation of selfish, lazy, ignorant, narcissistic and generally obnoxious kids who are in it for themselves and nothing more. Mmmmm not very Politically Correct I know but the similarities to a Boomer with technology abilities is just freaky!!! Of course they are more than happy to take your money for nothing too whilst having no concept of just how easy they have it now…

They have it so easy now...

Political Correctness. More commonly referred to as “PC” now…. Here is a subject close to my heart! It never ceases to amaze me that everyone must be so PC to the point of everyone missing the point of everything anyone says to make sure they do not offend others…. It’s just plain fucking hard work and stupid if you ask me! God help us all in future when the yiGen Babies are running the show and we are all old. Can you imagine the conversations?

I'm offended now Mum!!

Person 1 : “Hi, how are person(s) this day?’

Person 2 : “Hi, this person(s) are fine, how are person(s) this day?

Person 1: It is good that person(s) are fine this day”……

All this just to say G’day to each other without offending anyone!!! Faaarrrkkkkkk……. What is really wrong with the old ways I ask?

Person 1: “G’day you old bastard, how the fuck are ya?” 

Person 2: “Yeah G’day arsewipe, I’m fuckin’ great, and you?” 

Person 1: “Any better mate and I’d be fuckin’ dangerous!” 

Ok maybe now that it is written down I can start to see a small issue…….

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Ice Hockey. This is not an issue really, more just a selfish little indulgence to end things on a fun note! You see I totally luuuuurrrrrv the NHL. In particular the Vancouver Canucks. And they are kicking arse so far in the regular season too, although admittedly only after a very suspect start to the season. This sport is fast, brutal and just plain brilliant for so many reasons. The one’s that stand out most right now though are the utter lack of manners, PC and iGen!!!!! Yes folks there is no “after you”, “no after you!” on the ice. There is no “sir” or “ma’am” on the ice. There are no spoilt children with fucking iPods stuck to their heads on the ice! Mess with these guys and you will become a sad and sorry red coloured advertisement spread over the inside of the fence (boards) after being checked (rammed, pushed, hammered) into oblivion!

Maybe I am on my own being fed up with all this PC, lack of manners from anyone and other stupid anti social shit that we have to comply with these days? I know I sound like a dinosaur when saying this, but it used to be so much easier when you didn’t have to worry about offending all and sundry with a simple “hello”. The basic and decent elements of being a good person are almost gone. Sad really don’t you think?

mLr

I can fly!!! Uh oh Bugger, no I caaaannnnn’t!!!

The holiday period brings with it a lot of interesting moments for us all, especially when you are a big kid yourself and the real kids get some new and awesome toy you take a liking too. That is unless you’re a boring old biddy/bastard with a bad attitude and poor personal hygiene, but I digress….

Kids generally get a lot of crap from the jolly big man in red each year, with the majority worthy of nothing more than a fleeting memory of money once resident in your pocket, now resident in the garbage bin after little Johnny/Johnnyette got a little too vigorous at play and snapped/crushed/shattered then discarded most of it.

There are however some items that rank up there with the best in terms of FUN FUN FUN. Not just for the real kids, but for the BIG kids too! Now you might be thinking I am about to lurch down the road of Toy Story-ish activities such as dad playing dolls with little Johnnyette or Lego with little Johnny. Nope not even close. But maybe some of us should consider those activities instead….

This dad has discovered an unbelievably fun activity. One that provides exercise with a sense of freedom and speed. One that provides an opportunity to do something with the kids instead of just watching them from a distance. I speak of none other than the humble and re-invented scooter!! Yes those fine folks at Madd Gear have created an item that is nothing short of brilliant – the MGP Pro Scooter! Yes this little pearler is truly the most addictive thing to be unleashed on parents since…well since…can’t think of much else but if I do I will get back to you straight away!

This bugger of a thing is truly amazing. However it does have a downside. A big and potentially dangerous one at that. But before I draw the ire of the maker’s lawyers, I need to stress that it isn’t a flaw in the design, or the scooters fault in any way whatsoever. No, it’s the ability of the parent to actually ride the thing safely. Or not as it turns out!

Ok, ok I will get to the point. I sit here writing this nursing a sprained wrist/thumb and a bruised ego. Oh and a burning desire to go and get me one of these things for myself!!! You see Boxing Day 2011 changed me forever. Ok well not forever as that’s a friggin long time, but at least until the swelling goes down anyway. My home city has many waterfront parks and walkways, all with fantastic concrete paths designed for cycling, walking and other such activities. Thankfully in places it also has grass run off’s for errant out of control parents trying to be 10 years old again too!! Taking on the kids in races up and down the walkways seemed like such a fun idea at the time. Seemed like a harmless activity we could all participate in. I am now rethinking that idea a little and plotting a bigger and better approach, one which does not involve this dad sending my kids and other onlookers into frenzied, hysterical laughter at the sight of a middle-aged kid doing cartwheels over the handlebars of a bright orange kids scooter! That’ll teach me not to try cutting my daughter off at warp speed won’t it…..

No it won’t actually, because this big kid will do it again, and again and then again no doubt! But wiser next time. Yes MUCH wiser. I now have a plan. An evil plan. Time to see if I can get a big kids version and line up on the starting grid again, ready to take out the kids and any other dumb arse parent as Madd as me! Let’s see those little pre teen, cherub faced wannabe’s race against something bigger, faster and quite possibly more insane. Maybe even a motorised version! Yes, a motor is a brilliant idea so when I run out of puff I won’t stop! Shouldn’t be too hard to modify one you’d think… Mwahahahahaha this is sounding better by the second now!

Damn this could get ugly in a hurry!

Ok, well I am off to go book that hospital bed now so there won’t be any waiting when it all turns to shit!! Wish me luck.

mLr

What’s that? I’m going to Hell? Seriously? Awww shit….

Note to readers: If you are at ALL sensitive about religion and related subjects, LOOK AWAY NOW! You have been warned and I will not be responsible for the mental anguish you suffer should you choose to continue reading. That responsibility lies with my good friend TDoT who has apparently been nominated as honorary poor bastard responsible for anything that happens to anyone anywhere by some generous soul. He can be found here

Moving right along, if there is one thing I have noticed lately, it is all the religious nutters coming out of their little caves and ranting about how all of us who are not necessarily religious in a way they agree with are going to Hell in a hurry. I suppose apart from Easter they don’t get to come out and play too often the poor bastards, so I guess I should be more thankful there weren’t multiple murders and resurrections by the Romans a couple thousand years ago! Shame on me then!

Sadly for these nutters who are taking time out from whatever unspeakable things they normally do in their little caves, I am not religious in any way at all, let alone their way. The closest I have had to a spiritual experience in recent memory was the demolition of a ripper single malt bottle of scotch with some great mates after driving hot laps of Sandown Raceway in Melbourne! Not so sure that counts in this context though? Ahh bugger it, what the hell lets call it a count for now

So anyway, everywhere you read and look there is someone spruiking a different flavour of fire and brimstone. Wow I better get the word out to my friends and family that my time is at hand! My kids will be shattered, what with believing I would be around for a bit longer and all… I wouldn’t know what flavour to try anyway to be honest. At last count I estimate there are over 20+ versions of the bible, and contained within them are many many more variations on the method of life and death of said fellow HeyZuse which mostly conflict with all the others!! Mmmmmm I can see why they are so popular now, as each time someone wants to start a cult like the pontiff’s of years gone by did, they just add a few thousand words or just change what’s already there entirely and hey presto! New New Newer Older Testament! It’s like a McReligion franchise, where they can even ask if you would like Prophets with your McBible meal deal? No those “prophets” are for the non “Profit” organisations of course silly…

To add further to the conundrum for me, I was reading about rival tribes of Monks beating the bejesus (like how I snuck that in?) out of each other with broom sticks in the holy holy holy crib joint during a ceremonial cleaning ceremony thingy a few days ago. Got me to thinking what I was missing out on here. The message I got was that it is not only Ok, but in fact Expected that if you buy one of these McBible meal deals and eat it up, then you will beat the bejuses (there it is again!) out of anyone who disagrees with you! Cool, a licence to kick arse!!

Oh well, that’s life (and death!) in the McWorld I suppose. I better just nip out now and update my Will and attend to several other personal matters that need to be tidied up before go and play with the sinners. I figure I have at least a few hours after this is posted to get it all done before that bolt of lightning smites me as it will take that long for the myriad of higher powers to fight out which one’s version of the tales I have blighted!

Until next time then, assuming there is a next time for me of course!

mLr

 

Authors note: I respect everyone’s right to their beliefs, opinions etc and this is simply just mine. Live and let live I say. 

Spiders take showers too apparently

Thought I’d try a little horror/comedy/weirdness and see how it runs….

If you live in Australia, you will know that during summer a lot of things creep out of their hidy holes and start terrorising the unsuspecting citizen in all manner of strange places. It is a time when you have to check shoes left outside overnight before putting them on, clothes left on the floor for more than a few hours or anything else where a creepy crawly can snuggle unseen. Yes I refer to the dreaded SPIDER of course!

This little fellow (or for those overly PC conscious souls out there, fellowette) looks to the warmer months of the year as it’s time to go and search for mates, food and most importantly people who cannot stand the sight of them let alone the thought of them. The little buggers clearly have an overdeveloped sense of humour god bless their little spindly souls. Now most of us know that very few of the species will actually do any harm to you at all, and in fact generally run like a Christmas shopper suffering from crazed monkey syndrome at the mere sighting of a person. Generally. But not always. Oh no.

Recently I was caught up in another persons spider experience which, in hindsight, has made me wonder about the true motives and needs of our little spindly friends. You see, I now wonder if they don’t just want to be “one of us”. I accept that this sounds quite deranged, but hear me out and hopefully I can explain why I have started on this train of thought.

Setting the scene: “Person” in shower, going about their business feels something crawling down side of face. Assumes it is hair falling out of shower cap. Wrong. Not so little spindly friend about the size of a salad serving spoon lands on the floor of the shower. Without glasses on thinks is a roach, looks closer and realises it is a nasty looking house spider. It just sits there under the shower apparently enjoying the feeling of warmish water falling on it. No running, no nothing. Just sitting there.

Now we won’t go into any more details than this so as to protect the innocent and their dignity. Fairs fair after all.

So this led me to start pondering later what it was trying to achieve during this little nocturnal expedition. Others had been in the same shower just before this, with no sightings of it. Nothing, nil, nada, zip. Thank god for that too, as yours truly was one of those earlier shower users! It chose said “person” to drop in on and have a shower with them for reasons only known to it. Maybe it had just returned from its daily run and wanted to rinse off? Maybe it was struggling to turn the taps on earlier and finally here was someone to do it for them, so thought lets give them a hug? Sadly people don’t generally react well to this and the reaction is akin to seeing a mouse but on a much more nuclear scale! Thus ends the cozy shared shower for our little spindly friend. Abruptly.

The point is that maybe they are just looking for ways to be like us. Using shoes. Putting on shirts and pants. Having a shower at the end of the day. Sleeping in bed under the sheets. Have to admit its a pretty compelling case when you look at it like this isn’t it? Or maybe they are just out to get a laugh from seeing something many times bigger than it scream like a 3 year old girl and run like a Christmas shopping crazed monkey? Lets face it, this scene to a spider must be pretty friggin hilarious!

I’ll leave it there as it’s taken longer to explain this than I ever imagined and then some with unforeseen weirdness attached for good measure. Seemed simple initially. But next time you see a spider around, consider that maybe they just want to share life’s little luxuries with us, and not just exist to scare the bejesus out of everyone that comes across it. Yeah right….

Just a thought for your next shower…

mLr

The Christmas Voyeur

It’s the festive season. Again. Happens every year to my knowledge, so not surprising really. A bit like car registration, which “suddenly” turns up and we all panic as we hadn’t planned for it. Really? Really? Over the past few weeks I have heard nothing but “gee, didn’t Christmas creep up on us quick this year? I haven’t even thought about it and not sure how I will get everything done in time”.

Really? Really?

Now I’ll try to keep this short today as I have a bit of unplanned Christmas shopping to get done , but it’s a big struggle to understand how the single biggest holiday and spending season on the planet can ‘creep up on you” unplanned. I suppose in all fairness it has only been around for a couple of thousand years, give or take a century or 3. I suppose in all fairness folks are still trying to get used to the idea and I should not be so critical as it is a whole year since the last event after all. Really? Really?

Mmmmmm…..

I can’t help but wonder about this annual “phenomenon”. It is truly a baffling thing indeed and in all honesty it does provide some people like yours truly with a degree of amusement to look forward to each year! Yes I know that sounds a bit twisted, but I never did say I wasn’t a bit twisted did I? There are plenty more out there like me too, so when your screaming like a fruit bat around from shop to shop with that crazed monkey look in your eyes, glance to your left and sitting right there on the couch/chair/stool at the coffee shop is the Christmas Voyeur, reveling in the viral panic that has spread through society once again and enjoying a nice large flat white coffee with a huge amused smile on their face.

Gotta love Christmas

mLr

Technology breeds technology which breeds more technology……

I have a dilemma. Yes I know the obvious answer(s) to this statement from the wags of the world, however it is not that kind of dilemma! No this is one of those dilemmas of convenience.  How on earth could convenience create a dilemma you may ask (or not…). Well I’ll try to explain without rambling, although I think I may have already crossed that line already.

It begins with a PC, or in my case a laptop. A wonderful device which opens up the world and previews many wonderful, exciting and occasionally downright disturbing things one would not even know existed if it were not for the magic piece of plastic full of chip sets. It allows you to play music, watch movies and TV shows, create “things” and many many other favorite past times that were not portable before the magic piece of plastic full of chip sets came along and totally changed the world. Or fucked it totally some would bravely say.

And here comes the kicker – along with this awesome portability comes the need to store all the useless shit you now accumulate to enable the awesome portability. So you go out and buy a portable hard drive, take it home thinking “yeah, all good now that I can put all my stuff on it”. Wrong. Within seconds of loading said new portable hard drive to the point you believe it should “virtually” bulge, along comes more “stuff” that needs to be stored….. So you go out and get yourself a shiny new BIGGER hard drive and take it home thinking…..  You get the drift I am sure.

I now have several portable hard drives all bought with the same thinking and naive hope each will satisfy the needs of my growing virtual collections. How. Fucking. Dumb. Nothing will ever satisfy this need, as the kids now have stuff, friends gives stuff, family gives stuff and it never ends!!!!!!!

And now you know my dilemma, you are possibly thinking it is also a dilemma for you too right? Sorry to point it out, but hey I had to share! I am almost at the stafe of believing it is a global issue that should be addressed at UN level, before global debt and any other friggin issues on the worlds plate. And it must be added here i am in the IT industry and still don’t have an answer that won’t cost the same as a small car!

Good luck out there and with xmas upon us, remember when you unwrap that shiny, awesome, portable piece of technology…. where are you going to store it all when it outgrows the device you just got?

Convenience can be a dilemma

mLr